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The TO Show review:

Let me preface my review with the fact that I used to be a big TO fan when he was playing for the 49ers.  He would just catch the ball, make fun of Jeff Garcia and do outrageous touchdown dances.  Then, like most of the country, I grew tired of his antics towards the latter years in San Fran, Philly and really tired of them in Dallas.    So when I heard that a TO reality show was going to air this summer, I rolled my eyes like everyone else in disgust.  But, it’s fantastic television.

He wanted to do this show to reveal the different sides of TO, mainly the Terrell Owens side.  So the show is TO, his PR crew (Kita and Monique) which consists of his two closest girlfriends who are a total pain in the ass to him, and his body guard Pablo.  So the girls invite him out to LA to work on his image during the offseason.  Yeah, that’s what he needs.  You’re going to be living in Buffalo for the next year or so, so to make the transition from Dallas smoother, we’re going to have you live in Los Angeles for the summer.  Women.  The girls find him a ridiculous house overlooking downtown LA, and TO’s sole focus is the real estate agent who is renting him the house.  Later that night they all go out to a club and the PR team doesn’t like it when some “hoochie” is talking to their client/friend.  Before you know it, over half the club is back at TO’s new pad for a “impromptu” catered late night party.  Monique and Kita are pissed off that Terrell would invite all these hoes back to his new apartment.  But obviously TO knew nothing about how all the girls got back to his place.  “Pablo invited them all back.”  Pablo knows better than to bring 20 skanks back to the apartment.  TO then goes on a date with the real estate agent that just got him this apartment.  Then, to get the girls off of his back, he calls his ex-fiancé to see if they can give things another try.

Only one episode in and its already reached the “DVR new episodes” level.  You make not like football TO, but if you like watching badass, funny dudes, then you will certainly be entertained by the TO Show.  (Mondays 10pm on VH1)

Retrospective Running (get it?) Diary

A look into the minds of .02% of yesterday’s runners:

CPG: God I should have worn mid-high Nike socks to look more lax and less track

PH: This isn’t depressing, I just made the turn out of the starting line and guys are on the other side of the street about to finish

CPG: What percentage of the proceeds went to renting all those porta-potties?

PH: These are some of the biggest asses I’ve ever seen

CPG: What pace is too fast to keep this side part in place?

PH: Hey lady, save your self the embarrassment and just stay home next year

CPG: Dear lady wearing corduroys in a 5k — I hate you

PH: Wonder if Charlie is running or riding his segway?

CPG: I bet Pat already vomited

PH: Jorts and Chuck Taylors while running?  Yeah, you’re probably in high finance

CPG: If someone says “on the right” I’m going to punch them in the neck

PH: I wonder if anyone else is rocking out to Heart’s “Alone” on their iPod?

CPG: Leg tattoos. Didn’t you learn your lesson from tribal bands in the 90′s? Call me in a decade

PH: Well, it’s only a little demoralizing that the kid with one leg on crutches has a lead on me going into Kenmore square

CPG: God this is so racist. I can’t wait to drink

PH: Thank God I remembered my compression shorts

CPG: I feel awkward running without a lax stick in my hand

PH: I wonder if the guy spraying people with the hose is only spraying white people.  You know, to not bring back the bad memories?

CPG: I wish Thomas Pink made a dry-fit tee

PH: I wonder if Charlie kept his bow tie on during the race

CPG: I’d like to thank all the unemployed hipsters who got off the couch and into their skinny jeans to hand out free Starbucks juices to runners

PH: I hope I remembered to DVR Grey’s

CPG:  Nice Oakleys Lance

PH: If I lose to Suzie from accounting, I’m never going to live this down

CPG: I should have stretched. My legs are tight from wearing this 6 THOUSAND DOLLAR suit all day. COME ON

PH: Ok… I’ve gotta work on my “oh, its wasn’t that bad” face because I’m about to meet up with my coworkers

CPG: This was surprisingly not bad. I’m definitely going to fool myself into signing up for more and then say fuck it the day of.

-Pat and Charles

Are you ready for the noise?

No more dry eyes in Boston

Greetings fellow minions:

It’s been a pretty interesting week for Boston sports.  Ortiz is hitting a whopping .219 and now up to 7 homers this year which puts him on pace for .314 and 17 home runs.  Watch out now.  And we finally get to say sayonara to Dice K.  I mean, I’m not sure how we’re going to survive without his 1-5 record and 8.23 era.  Last year he was the best 5 inning pitcher in baseball, now he’s just the worst 4 inning pitcher in baseball.  Who could possibly fill the giant (men’s size 6) shoes that he is leaving behind?  None other than a 42 year old John Smoltz.  I’ll take my chances with the former Cy Young winner.  And now for some reason (I’m not buying the “chemistry” explanation), Danny Ainge is trying to trade our 23 year old point guard who just averaged almost 17 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds a game in the playoffs in just his third year.  Sorry I don’t think getting Mike Conley (the rich man’s Sebastian Telfair) to replace Rondo is worth it.

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